stuck in the middle

do you live in a world where communication is never ending? do you come from a generation of land lines, where apparatus needed a line into a wall, into a central system, in order to have them operate? do you sometimes find it bewildering like me, stuff now works cordless? and are you lonelier than ever, by it? 
i've passed a weekend of wonder. i needed help here, in the house, but no one came to the phone. everybody who is always there, was out. i could get hold of no one. i had a problem that needed fixing, and i couldn't do it by myself. i reached out for help, to no avail. 
it made me wonder, it truely did. i left messages, but perhaps my message sounded sinister? perhaps it didn't sound alarmed enough. perhaps i am accustomed to doing the things by myself, and people don't look up, when i actually need help? perhaps we have come to speak different languages?
i look at the work behind me, i look at the work in front of me. i find myself in the middle of hardship. i feel like i'm slowly draining and drowning. like i'm running on empty, my reserve is up, but my work isn't done. 
sleepless nights have become painful, besides devoid of sleep. i sit up, i lie down again. never in my life have i literally sighed like i do most nights. if a partner would be sharing my bed, he would relocate to the nearest available empty bed. i wouldn't blame him. 
when you find yourself stuck in the middle of things, there is but one way to go, and that is on. i realize that this morning. therefore i will go on. therefore i will wear the face. i will kick muscle to become undone. get going. again. 


  1. ach Nadine,

    ik voel met je mee
    op afstand, dat wel
    ik ken het gevoel
    en de enige weg is doorgaan
    toen ik nog thuis woonde hebben we
    ons huis verbouwd, helemaal
    het was een leuke tijd, maar ook een harde
    ik herken het in je verhalen

    vandaag zal ik je dragen
    tot snel, tot snel!!

    Patrice A.

  2. Of course,
    dearest Nadeschda,
    of course you will go on.
    Go on more slowly, with more recovery for yourself.
    With tiny steps. So the others are able to reach you...

    I wish I could!


  3. oh my dear nadine,
    i wish i could be there for you!!! think i really understand how you feel. i'm very common with manymanymany sleepless nights...
    and the feeling that no one is there if you ask for help (guess you are the kind of girl that's NEVER asking, always trying to get your stuff done by yourself...;). so i'm sending you power, love and an extra handful of muscles, brain, what ever you need! keep on my friend, love and a big, helpful hug, julia

  4. Oh much I know these situations. If you're the tough girl in other people's minds they sometimes don't realise when you seriously need a helping hand. A helping hand not only literally but particularly in the mental way. At the same time, it's so hard for tough girls to ask for help and to communicate urgency. I know what I'm talking about. A big step for someone who is used to struggle alone.
    When I read your words my first impulse was to jump on a train and hop over to my neighbour country, go and see whatever help she needs! So I think you really did the right thing: not just go on, but go onLINE! And here we are, sending you (at least) virtual hugs and strength! :-)
    Don't give up, Nadine, you'll do it! Take care and be patient, I bet someone will soon help to solve the problem. Meanwhile, sit down and take a deep breath. Everything's going to be alright.

    Ik omhels je met duizend armen!

  5. Sometimes when I hit a wall, I just have to turn away and quit looking at it for awhile. My mind, body, and spirit need a break at that point. Also if there is something in the house that I can't fix and that I can't get someone to fix for awhile, I block it out---literally. I simply cease to see it. That's of course with things that aren't emergencies--some things can't be ignored.
    Perhaps your inner self is telling you that you need a break from the stewing--from the renovation. I don't mean as in pack your bags and leave. I mean as in quit seeing what needs to be done and focus on Nadine for just a little while. You'll most likely come back very refreshed and those phone calls will be returned. I always look at a situation like you described as God telling me my timing is off. I believe He knows better than I do, so I shrug the shoulders, give out a big sigh, and say "Ok, God, if you say so." Then I often give another sigh. But I then let it go and I cease to see the problem---I sleep much better then because I know there is nothing I'm to do about the problem for now and that I'll know when I'm to pick it back up.
    I hope this helps Nadine. BTW I love the design of your 'sigh'. Quite artistic there. I'd love to have it as an actual picture or design on something. I bet it would sell well in your shop! I know I'd buy it!
    Lifing you up, dear Nadine.

  6. It seems more and more people are getting stuck. We'll have to help each other to get unstuck again.


    1. thxs, nicki
      i couldn't reply on your gmail?
      do i go about it the wrong way?

  7. how beautiful.... yeah, i´ve learned to keep breathing and try to focus on the positive. everything will get done, you´ll see. just some days it might take a little longer than others. chin up woman. and if you need to talk i´m just a click away. :)
    p.s. i miss the days of land lines and waiting for the post man and trying to decide what i wanted for dessert my biggest problem... :)

  8. oh, so sorry to read this! I've been there many times, lonely, sleepless, big problems to solve, nobody there to help out. And, yes, it does help to have a voice over the phone, or even few words over the internet, lend a virtual hand! I don't believe we should always go on (and sometimes there's no choice) - I believe that sometimes we should stop. And take it slowly from there. Think about that. Hugs.
    PS Email me next time - who knows, I might be having a similar "sleepless" night, we'd keep each other company! :)

  9. Dear Nadine,
    We've just met
    I don't know you well
    I love your art
    I love your sense of humour
    I love your comments you leave on my blog
    There is a spot in my heart for you.

    Dear Nadine,
    if you are on facebook
    I am too, often when I cannot sleep
    we could chat
    or you could call me
    does it cost much to call Canada?

    May you sleep.
    May your prayers be answered
    May you be able to laugh
    and feel lightness in the air and sunshine on your head!

    xo Carole

  10. Oh Momma I think you need to drink more...hehe!
    I need to come visit and finish this house of yours the two of us as tool belt divas we could get the job done!!

  11. Oh, you who can make a sigh so beautiful like that.
    Oh you who can express what is in her deep heart
    with all of it's goings and all of it's life lines
    Oh you who is a beautiful spirit connecting to us all,
    I wish my line could go straight there and help but all I have to
    offer is
    my ♡

    Thinking of you Nadine with Love

  12. Dear Nadine ... so sorry to read you are having a rough time. Really hope things brighten up for you soon and make you sleep well again.
    BIG Hug

  13. yes, sometimes our only choice is to go forward... that sky is so hopeful.